Managing Disruptive or Aggressive Behaviors: Tips for Families—Mental Health Toolkit

Set aside one-on-one time every day without TV or other media. It’s important to spend quality time together, even if your child is showing a lot of behavior problems that day.

Ask your child about their life and let them know they can tell you about concerns, fears, and worries. If they seem upset, you could ask, “Did anything happen today that you’d like to talk about?”

Praise your child for dealing with difficult emotions in a healthy way. For example, “I know it was hard when your team lost. I’m proud of you for staying calm and congratulating the other team.”

Explain rules in a positive way and describe the behavior you want. For example, instead of saying, “Don’t run,” you could say, “Please walk slowly.”

Reward positive behavior. Spending time doing a fun activity with a parent is a very powerful reward.

Pay less attention to negative behavior. Over time, your child will learn that acting out isn’t a good way to get your attention.

Set up a token system where children “earn” tokens (for example, marbles or stickers) for positive behavior. Earning a certain number of tokens means your child gets a privilege or treat, such as extra time doing something they enjoy.

Try a parenting class to learn and practice positive parenting techniques. This can also be a great way to connect with other parents.

Make consequences age appropriate. For young children, it’s best if consequences happen right away, so your child can connect the consequence to what they did.

Help your child understand, but avoid getting into an explanation right away. Later on, when everyone is calm, you can talk about what happened.

Have your child practice a positive behavior. For example, if they made a mess during a tantrum, they could help clean up afterward.

Make sure consequences come immediately after the event, and avoid delaying them. Be willing to enforce the consequence, even in public.

Pick your battles. Decide which behaviors are the most important and focus on those.

Learn to anticipate challenging situations. Try to limit the time you spend in situations that are very hard for your child.

Encourage your child to spend time with friends who have a positive influence on your child’s behavior.

Work with your child’s doctor or therapist to make a list of numbers to call if your child’s behavior is threatening your child’s safety or someone else’s.

Remove weapons from your home or keep them in an approved lockbox. Separate ammunition (bullets) from guns.

Pay attention to what upsets your child, so you can be prepared and help them manage their feelings.

Encourage your child to be physically active for at least an hour every day.

Eat healthy meals every day, including fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and protein foods.

Help your child get enough sleep. This means 10 to 13 hours a day (including naps) for preschoolers, 9 to 12 hours for school-aged kids, and 8 to 10 hours for teens.

Limit entertainment screen time to less than 2 hours a day. Avoid scary or violent TV shows, video games, and movies.